In a rare glimpse into the war in Ukraine from the perspective of Russian soldiers, secretly recorded phone calls obtained and verified by The Associated Press (AP) indicate a growing number of soldiers yearning to leave the conflict. The intercepted conversations reveal a unique shorthand used by the soldiers to discuss casualties, with numbers like 200s for the deceased and 300s for the wounded. The soldiers even refer to those who refuse to fight as "500s."

The audio intercepts also shed light on the evolving dynamics of the war, from the initial involvement of professional soldiers in Vladimir Putin's full-scale invasion to the conscription of individuals from various backgrounds into service under arduous conditions.

AP has taken extensive measures to protect the identities of those involved in the recorded calls, including speaking to soldiers and their relatives, as well as conducting research based on open-source material linked to the phone numbers used. The names and identifying details have been withheld to ensure the safety of these soldiers and their families. The recordings, obtained in January 2023 and edited for clarity and brevity, capture conversations that took place near the prolonged and deadly fight in Bakhmut.

These conversations come at a critical time, as the war enters its second winter and casualties continue to mount. Moscow finds itself scrambling to replenish its troops, and the voices of these soldiers serve as a warning. They describe living off rainwater, resorting to using knives in combat, and acknowledging that their survival thus far has largely been a matter of luck. Exhausted and forgotten, these soldiers express an overwhelming desire to return home.

One soldier, nicknamed "Crazy Professor" due to his disheveled hair, was drafted in the initial days of Russia's mobilization in September 2022. He shared his haunting experiences of potentially killing children and dreads the vivid visions of the dead that haunt him. Expressing empathy for the enemy, he reflects on the senselessness of the war, affirming that the lives lost on both sides are no different.

Artyom, another soldier, expresses a similar sentiment, viewing the war as a means to escape his mounting debts back in Russia. Describing the gloomy atmosphere among his fellow soldiers, he acknowledges the appeal of running away, but remains committed to protecting those fighting alongside him. He aims to swiftly defeat the Ukrainians and return home to his family.

Roman, whose occupation prior to the war was at a law firm, offers advice from his experience, urging others to avoid getting involved in the conflict by any means necessary. He describes the grueling conditions he and his comrades endure, including surviving on rainwater and engaging in close-quarters combat with knives.

Andrei, after spending four months in Ukraine, reaches a heartbreaking conclusion: his life holds little significance in Moscow's eyes. He reveals that mobilized soldiers like himself are not treated as human beings, forbidden to leave even if they fall ill or sustain injuries, due to commanders fearing they will abandon their duties. Andrei expresses the somber reality, telling his mother that they will likely perish in the desolate trenches they call home.

AP interviewed Andrei's mother in September, during her routine tomato-picking in her garden. She expresses her deeply rooted frustration, painting a picture of an unrecognizable homeland filled with "traitors and fascists." To her, Ukraine has transformed into a place devoid of normalcy, and she questions the blind loyalty of others who fail to see the dire circumstances. Her plea underscores the importance of understanding the repercussions of the ongoing conflict.

As the war in Ukraine continues, the harrowing testimonies from these recorded calls offer a poignant reminder of the toll it takes on the lives of Russian soldiers. With casualties mounting and a growing desire to escape, the stories shared illuminate the complex emotions and sacrifices that often go unnoticed on the front lines of war.